So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall

But haven't seen their kids in over a year. Wakanda father are you?

I was bloody and sore afterwards, but at least my dad came.

For some reason she kept yelling out her age

Little Seizures

She wont find out until she gets home and unpacks her luggage...

Pump kin

But that's just low hanging fruit

I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

I like black people just as much as normal people

There were three gay men and their partners all died at around the same time. On their way to the morgue, the guy who worked there asked them where they want to spread their partners ashes. The first gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes over the ocean because he loved to swim!" The second gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes on a mountain because he loved to climb." And then the third gay guy says, "I want to spread him all over my chili." Confused, the coroner asked, "WHY?" In which the third gay guy responded, "So he can tear my ass up one more time."

I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was just an accident

Hitler turns to his generals in outrage and says “You’re supposed to bake them until they’re dead!”

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

I had sex with my girlfriend last night. It was her first time so she bled. I told her not to worry, in a few years she'll bleed every month.

They already have enough on their plate.

You put a windsheild over her eyes.

It involved 8 black men and a gun

You have to drop the bomb twice to get it across to her

But I'd feel even more guilty if I got her pregnant...

Babies eventually grow up and stop throwing tantrums every five minutes.

Three months without a school shooting.

A Suicide Squad

You know she’ll swallow.

...I hope.

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"

All the good ones are taken, so when no one is looking you have to slip it in the disabled one.

The finish line of the Boston marathon

I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but it must be those orange jumpsuits.